crybby

I hate time. I hate beer. I hate painting. I hate that so many kids at school use macs because "that's what designers use". No. And I'm not buying a stupid fucking macbook. I use windows and mac for the same shit and there is no difference. I don't want a career. I don't want to design lame ass billboards and brochures for money. I have no clue what I want to do as a designer or whatever. When I graduate I'm going to have "Designer & Illustrator" on my portfolio. I like doing layout because it's challenging and design in general and I like doing Illustration. I can not stand marketing and advertising. I will NOT do it. You know how fucking lame marketing is? The behind the scenes stuff, crafting products and advertisements for your target market and planning on where and when you're going to hit them with your ads. Ew. Also on the subject of jobs and stuff-- I am not going to market myself, I am not going to seek out jobs, I am not going to network. I am the complete opposite of outgoing and I like it. I don't want to meet new people. Ok, maybe sometimes. All I like to do is draw monsters. I don't hardly even fucking draw when I'm home anymore anyway, because I'd rather play guitar because I enjoy that more. I want to get paid for that. I want to record music and play shows and make money that way, and probably work some shitty job, preferably in the back of a warehouse stocking boxes or something laborious. I like work that involves labor. I don't want to work a cash register, deal with cooking/cleaning food, I don't want to deal with people too much. When I draw shit at home it always sucks dick. The only good drawings I do are in the library at school. I hate that (what seems like) every girl is obsessed with horror movies, modern metal music, and smokes cigarettes. I hate horror movies. Even the horror movies I like, which are very few, would be among the last shit I would want to watch. Occasionally I am in the mood to watch something scary. I like some modern horror movies and I like watching old shitty horror movies and stuff with a lot of suspense. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. Anyway... I hate cigarette smoke. I don't even know what to say about the music, I guess I don't mind it, but that's all that everyone around here fucking listens to.. Asking Alexandria, We came as Romans, etc, etc. There are some post-hardcore bands I like, but I like a lot of god damn music. I have the whole Beatles catalog, and most of Slipknot's too. I have a stack of CDs with Jay-Z and Linkin Park's "collision course" sitting on top of the Cure's "three imaginary boys" on top of a THIS HEAT album, on top of R.E.M., Billy Childish, Billy Idol, Beach Boys, These new Puritans. Fuck. I'm not trying to sound cool or something. I know there are a lot of people that like a wide variety of music. I just don't know why metal and screamo or whatever you want to call it is so popular around here? I guess it could be worse. I'm so annoyed with everyone, myself included. I hate Charlie Sheen, that dude is a piece of shit. "winning" isn't fucking funny. Rebecca Black sucks, but she is not fucking funny. I absolutely hate my daily routine now. Without getting all gay and nostalgic and whatever but I miss being in highschool a lot. I miss getting up everyday of the week at the same time, going to school with pretty much every one of my friends, spending every day with them. I miss having 40min classes, as opposed to my 4hr or 2hr classes now. I miss all the goofy shit. I miss either hanging out with my friends directly after school, or coming home and being alone. I don't hardly ever record music here anymore, at my dad's / donna's house. Because I'm hardly here. I am usually at my moms for 3 days a week, where I have absolutely no privacy, and even less to fucking do than I do here. I have no comfy bed, and I can't even play guitar of music over there because it'd be way too loud in the living room and plus everyone is walking around, being noisy, etc. (again, no privacy). Friday - Sunday I'm typically at Chris' house. I understand that's more of a choice, but I'd rather go hangout and play video games, watch TV, and possibly go some where with another human-being or 2 once a-fucking-week, (which I think makes sense) than sit around more and try to record music alone. Like I said I'm hardly here anymore.. especially alone. I loved when I came home from highschool and my dad and donna were both at work and I had 4-6 hours by myself. I just don't like recording/practicing while there's people around, I hate people hearing my music while it's in work-in-progress stage, same for if I'm painting or drawing something, I don't want anyone to see that shit until it's done. I'm shy and that's how I am and I'm not going to MAN UP. Eff off. I'm not embarrassed to sing around people, my parents came to see me play live, and I told them they could come, so, it's not like that. I don't know where to go with this rant. Uh, I don't know why I posted it. I don't know. I don't like staying up this late. I just do it. I just don't want to go to sleep, I like sleeping, but I only like sleeping once I'm asleep and I need to get up. Well, this was stupid, huh.